enlightened, and in more ways than one.

I won't say I'm confused, because I don't necessarily feel like I am, but something isn't feeling balanced. I find myself in a limbo of direction if that makes any sense. I'm too comfortable and too used to the daily goings-on and I think it's high time for me to do something new and different. I need a project to focus my attention. While I understand that it is probably more beneficial to me, in a scholastic sense at least, to pour all of this direction-less expression into homework, I can't seem to do so. It's funny that I'm talking of needing to release what seems like a sudden burst of self-expression. It's also laughable that when I first started thinking about this my first reaction was to look at artistic outlets. I can't draw to save my life. I think I need to stop thinking.
My I-Tunes isn't working and I really wish I had my iPod.
I don't feel like I'm passionate about anything I'm doing right now. I always watch movies and wish that life, as everyone knows it, modeled itself as such. Everyone is profound, love is the most intense experience ever, and gross conflicts are resolved with blank screens and a change of scene.
I don't think I have any conflicts. The most interesting thing about me is that I'm painfully normal. Run-of-the-mill, if you will. My upbringing channelled a lifestyle most upper-middle-class families enjoyed--I was straightlaced. I wore cardigan sets. I took piano lessons and sang in the choir. In the race to set ourselves apart, I probably stood on the sidelines with a stopwatch and analyzed the average time spent racing towards the finish.
Although a grand generalization, I think it's fair to say that what sets most people apart are their passions. However, I'd say that music, my passion, doesn't necessarily set me apart because my tastes blend well with oh-so-many others. But, on the other hand I'd also say that "passion" requires time spent. And my time spent on music may be the defining factor, my "set apart" status.
I suddenly forgot where I'm going with this. I think I now understand the dual nature of man, as taught by Homer. One part of me was on a self-actualizing kick, and now the other side takes over and I just want to be quiet.

1 comment:

La said...

call me and i will help you find a direction. i need one too come to think.