life has suddenly made me apprehensive. a good apprehensive though, an exciting apprehensive. something about recent events makes me want to sing willie nelson's "blue skies" at the top of my lungs, driving on the highway doin' over 80.
there's a strange excitement that can only arise from the uncertainty of life. for me, i am strangely excited, even nervous, about knowing that i am finally where i need to be. it has taken me what feels like ages to decide upon a major (or two) that will take me where i really want to go. and even in a non-scholastic sense, i feel resolved. i feel settled. i know i am on track and that confidence allows me to face uncertainty with excitement rather than dread.
it isn't uncommon for me to be outside. i have noticed that my mood is significantly happier when there is a slight breeze, a 75 degree temperature, and the itunes shuffle is playing just what i want to hear. if my future doesn't involve a large porch, ample free time, and lovely temperatures by nightfall, then i haven't lived. it seems appropriate to mention at this time that i have been having the best summer of my existence thusfar, second only to the summer sadie bennett and i spent running wildly about. it was in between our sophomore and junior year in high school and our only concern was doing something every night. we had new mixes every week that we thought perfectly summarized our summer. we sang loudly as we drove from place to place and laughed about how trustworthy "white lightning", despite its age, proved to be. i will never look at 1986 white volvos in the same way. it was perfect.
this summer though? marvelous is a word that comes to mind. i didn't think such a harmonious balance could exist between work and play, but alas, it has. only a handful of times have i felt overworked-- namely when rumored vacations become reality and i am forced to sit out because of scheduling conflicts. that aside, i can honestly say i found the summer homeostasis.
i feel it appropriate to mention that the past four days of my lovely summer have been invaded by lyrics of a song which i cannot, for the life of me, remember the last time i heard it or why it has suddenly become my favorite thing to sing. "show me what you got there perty lady, perty mama". the extent to which i know the lyrics of that song are just that. i have no idea who sings it. i have no idea why but for the moment i appear to be obsessed with those simple lines. who knew that radio-worthy hip hop songs could have such a lasting affect upon my memory.
but for now, i put aside what my brain incessantly repeats, and let the toe-tapping drawl of willie take me away.