"être bon"

It’s funny to me that every so often I get in a very specific mood. I get the intense urge to create, to move, to be bigger, to be more. Usually this mood comes as a result of being comfortable, and in essence, bored.

This time around, it comes as a result of the shocking blow of heartbreak. It felt like my soul had it all figured out, was ever-so-abruptly proven wrong, and now begs the question, “What now?”

Once something has been broken, you can attempt to rebuild it exactly the same way it was, piece by piece, trying to find every fragment--then potentially lose your cool all over again when you realize that you might not be exactly the same as you were before. Or, you can feel the antsy anticipation of starting on a new path towards that movement, that need to do more and the need to be bigger. It seems silly to me now that at first I was supremely interested in the former; I wanted to have everything be the same. I wanted to rewind the past year of my life and slow down. I wanted to crawl under the memory of that life, hide from my mistakes, and hide from the pain that inevitably comes from any unsettling change. The last thing I wanted to do was acknowledge that the wedding was off, that the world as I knew it was coming to a screeching and terrifying end, and succumb to the thought that I was never going to be the same.

And then one day it hit me. I am still the same Cami Clayton that loves turkey sandwiches on sourdough bread. I still love getting lost in a book and dream of traveling the world in a good pair of leather sandals. I still want to be a freelance columnist for a community newspaper. I still have an incredible family that loves me, and friends that stick by me even when I'm a total and complete bonehead. I still want 5 children due entirely to my incessant viewing of "The Family Stone", and still think that the ocean can cure any ailment. I still love history books and believe that the written word is an art form all on its own. I still have the uncanny ability to recognize songs within 2 seconds of them playing. I still want to build my children a treehouse and live on a ranch. I still haven't mastered the art of cooking and most likely never will, because I still prefer plain M&Ms over almost any other food item. I still laugh at (probably) inappropriate jokes. I still delight in a slight breeze. I still love card games. I still appreciate the necessity of having fresh flowers in every room of the house. I still love the satisfaction that comes only from working hard for your money. I still look forward to loving freely and living my life in such a fashion that would make my parents proud.

Flaws and all, I am still me. The life I have lived thus far has taught me lessons of every kind and variety. Some have been astonishingly hard, and others have produced moments of happiness that I know will never be forgotten. All the lessons have made me who I am today, the Cami Clayton that is not afraid of the future but anxious to begin it.

"Go Confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined."

Some Things Are Worth Remembering

I used to be an avid writer. I have pages and pages of old school notebooks that were filled with things I liked to call "Ramblings". I'd sit at school, watch people, listen to people and write essays about whatever was on my mind at the time. While looking for something entirely unrelated in my filing cabinet, I came across a folder containing some of these pages that I had ripped out. It occurred to me that these chosen pages contained ramblings that I wanted to remember.

I must have been feeling ambitious this particular day when I wrote down a list of things I would do if I knew I could not fail. Here's what I came up with that day:

- Find a cure for cancer.

- Graduate with 4 minors, a double-major, and a 4.0 GPA. Just for fun.

- Sing opera at the Met.

- Record a CD.

- Write 100 songs that I was proud of.

- Paint portraits.

- Raise horses.

- Be a Concert Pianist.

- Make and Donate Substantial funds to struggling 3rd World countries.

- Write weekly publications in a community newspapers.

- Try everything.

- Climb Everest.

- Build my kids a treehouse.

- Restore a 1960's Woody Wagon.

- Create new computer programs.

- Fund Healthcare programs for deserving families.

- Adopt.

- Sail everyday.

- Dance on Pointe.

- Ace the LSAT and pass the Bar for fun.

- Be fluent in Spanish, Latin, Italian, French, and Mandarin.

- Own a flat in Barcelona.

- Participate in an Olympic sport.

- Read the 100 Greatest Novels, then compile my own list.

- Have a farm that was capable of sustaining a comfortable life with my family.

- Take my kids wherever they want to go abroad.

- Share the Gospel at least once a day.

- Live to see every element of my Patriarchal Blessing realized.

- Write a novel.

- Design an amusement park.

- Create an organization dedicated to showing each visitor how lucky they are to be alive.

- Have an orchard.

- Grow acres of sunflowers.

- Love freely.

- See the Seven Wonders of the World...and then discover the 8th.

- Know enough to write a delicious, gourmet cookbook.

- Know enough to write an Encyclopedia.

- Install rescued wood floors.

- Spoil my grandchildren.

- Make my own clothes.

- Be the best at making everyone feel happy.

While some of these very well could come true, most are things I will never do. I think that the beauty of fantasizing that your life will be everything you want it to be is that you can see just how amazing your life has already been.

I'm just looking forward to the next 22 years.

i figured it was time

here's an update. it's been awhile.

: summer of 2009 meant seeing the world. (or at least a good start). heaven smiled upon me and sent me on a wild 2 and a half weeks in spain, italy, and paris. jamie and i rode planes, trains, and automobiles along the way, (crashing 1 of the above), ate a healthy portion of margarita pizza, a more than healthy portion of gelato, loved the museums, rode the bikes, spoke the languages, and ultimately fell in love with being on the road. i couldn't have asked for a better partner in crime.

: the ushering in of a new year meant the start of my final semester here at byu. i am taking 2 classes, both of which i could have taken as a freshman. more often than not it is painful to go to class, and more often than not the lack of

parking on campus means i turn around and go home.

: i am still fully-employed by magleby's grill, a place i have come to know over the past 4 years. i seem to be a jack-of-all-trades and wait tables, manage the restaurant, help with scheduling, and as of last january, i am the wedding catering coordinator. tasting after tasting and reception after reception, i feel as if i can ably say i can coordinate the dickens out of any catered event. i will miss that place when i am gone.

: i have accepted an internship with amorology weddings based in oceanside, california.

this

means i will be invading the lives of my favorite minis, eden and charlie, and living with my overly-generous sister and brother-in-law. i couldn't be more excited to make the move right after graduation this april.

: i am, without a doubt, seriously digging my boyfriend. couldn't ask for a better mannish.

would it be all right to say that life is exponentially better when he's around? because i think that's pretty on point.

approaching each day knowing that things just keep getting better has made these last 6 months fly by, and it shows no signs of stopping. i don't mind that at all.

here's to a belated new year full of those moments that make everything worth it.

xo,

c.

amis je t'aime

i decided i like blogging

plus d'images

destroy everything you touch

So it's been awhile and although I wish I could say that I've been up to excitingly new things, I cannot. It's been the same-old, run-of-the-mill stuff like work and school that have been keeping me busy. 

However! Things are on the up and up. We're moving to a great little house that is owned by a more than decently talented music artist by the name of Joshua James and his wife Ashley, both of whom are the nicest people. It's a fantastic house and we can't wait to move in. 

Other than that, Finals are in full swing and I'm doing everything in my power to remain sane and remind myself that yeah, school is important, but ultimately not worth getting frustrated about. God bless my penchant for being laid-back to a fault. 

Other noteworthy news: I love my niece and nephew. God bless Eden and Charlie too. Gigi's 80th birthday party was a success and it was so good to be able to see the entire family in one place. Here are some pictures from the events. (good food, Anasazi petroglyphs, and salsa dancing...of course).